An honest, funny, and no-BS guide for dads and stepdads everywhere.

Introduction: No One Prepares You for This

Let’s just get this out of the way—becoming a dad isn’t like the movies. You don’t get some magical instruction manual handed to you in the delivery room. You get a tired nurse who looks like she’s seen too much, a crying baby, and a feeling in your chest like someone just put a car engine in there and said, “Figure it out.”

Whether you’re a dad, stepdad, bonus dad, or all three, this is for you. It’s the guide I wish someone had handed me before I dove into the deep end of diapers, tantrums, and tiny humans with sticky fingers and big emotions.

Here’s everything I wish I knew—broken down simply, written with humor, and packed with real-life advice. You’re not alone, brother. You’ve got this.

Part 1: The First 90 Days – Baby Bootcamp

1. Sleep Is a Lie

People will say, “Sleep when the baby sleeps.” That’s like saying “eat when the fridge eats.” It sounds wise but it’s useless. Babies have no schedule. They wake up every 2 hours. They cry because they’re hungry, tired, cold, bored, or just testing your will to live.

What you need to know:

• Tag team with your partner. You’re not “helping”—you’re parenting.
• Take shifts. If she gets the baby 8 PM to 2 AM, you cover 2 AM to 8 AM.
• Nap when you can. Showering is optional. Sanity is not.

2. Bonding Might Not Be Instant

You might not feel some fireworks connection with your baby right away. That’s okay. You’re not broken.

What you need to know:

• Bonding grows. Change diapers, hold them, talk to them—even when they can’t talk back.
• Be present, even when you’re unsure what to do.
• Don’t fake it. Just show up.

3. Learn the Language of Crying

There’s tired crying. Hungry crying. “I dropped my toy” crying. “I don’t know why I’m crying” crying.

Pro tip:

• Check the basics: diaper, feeding, burping, temperature, or gas.
• If nothing works, hold them and ride it out. You’re the storm shelter.

Part 2: Year One – Your New Normal

4. Your Relationship Will Get Rocked

Romance? What’s that? Intimacy might get replaced by tag-teaming poop explosions.

What you need to know:

• Communicate. Even when you’re tired.
• Be intentional. A 15-minute couch cuddle after baby’s asleep is gold.
• Don’t keep score. You’re teammates, not opponents.

5. Your Identity Will Shift

You’re not just a man anymore—you’re a father. That hits deep.

Expect:

• A weird sense of loss: your time, hobbies, freedom.
• A deeper purpose that outweighs that loss.
• Guilt. From work, from rest, from screwing up. You’ll feel it all.

Let it come. Then let it go.

Part 3: Toddler Mayhem & Building Discipline

6. Toddlers Are Tiny Dictators

They scream at snacks and laugh at danger. But they’re learning constantly.

Your job?

• Teach with consistency. Boundaries = love.
• Don’t yell unless it’s safety-based. Calm power works better.
• Use short phrases. Toddlers hear, “Don’t touch that” as “Touch that.”

7. Learn the Power of Routines

Kids thrive on structure. Same bedtime, same phrases, same rules = safety.

Sample bedtime routine:

• Bath
• Pajamas
• Brush teeth
• Book
• Cuddle
• Lights out

It’s boring. It works.

Part 4: Being a Stepdad – The Bonus Round

8. You’re Not Replacing Anyone

Your role isn’t to erase their other parent. It’s to add stability, not subtract history.

Be the consistent one:

• Show up.
• Keep your promises.
• Don’t expect instant love—earn it.

9. Let the Kids Set the Pace

Trying to force a bond? That backfires.

Instead:

• Be around. Do life beside them.
• Share experiences, not lectures.
• Laugh together. It builds trust faster than words.

Part 5: Mental Health, Rage, and Real Talk

10. You’re Going to Lose Your Cool

You will yell. You will snap. You will hate yourself afterward.

What to do:

• Apologize. Kids remember honesty.
• Walk away before you explode.
• Get help. Therapy isn’t weakness—it’s armor.

11. The Dad Mental Load Is Real

You juggle work, bills, safety, discipline, growth, emotional support, and your own demons.

Tips:

• Don’t bottle it up. Talk to another dad.
• Build a tribe (like The Fellowship of Fathers).
• Normalize rest. Burnout dads can’t lead.

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Part 6: The Long Game

12. You’re Building Adults, Not Controlling Kids

Short-term obedience isn’t the goal—long-term character is.

Ask yourself:

• Am I teaching them why this matters?
• Am I living what I say?

13. Your Kid Is Not You

You can guide, but you can’t make them a copy of yourself.

Respect their:

• Personality
• Learning style
• Emotions

They don’t need your perfection. They need your presence.

Part 7: Advice I’d Tattoo on My Arm If I Could

1. If you’re not sure what to do, just show up.
2. No one gets this perfect. Just keep showing up.
3. Put your phone down when they’re talking to you.
4. You don’t have to be loud to be strong.
5. Apologize fast. Forgive faster.
6. Don’t try to fix everything. Just listen.
7. Teach them how to think, not what to think.
8. Laugh at the chaos. It’s all chaos.
9. Let them see you try and fail—and try again.
10. Love their mom, even if it’s from a respectful distance.

Conclusion: This Journey Is Worth It

You’re not alone. You’re not broken. You’re doing something sacred.

Whether you’re wiping butts, breaking up sibling fights, or just sitting quietly in the car on the way to school, you’re shaping a human.

And if no one’s told you lately:

You’re doing better than you think.

Welcome to fatherhood. Welcome to the Fellowship.

Bonus Resources:

• Free weekly newsletter: Tips, motivation, and mental health tools for dads and stepdads.
• Canada’s Suicide Prevention Line: 1-833-456-4566 (because even strong men need help).
• Join the Fellowship on Instagram & Facebook